God summoned Castro, Chirac and Bush before him. He told them that they were ruining his precious Earth with all their pollutants, industrial fishing, logging etc. He told them to clean up their act or he would make the whole mankind shovel shit from one hole to another for eternity. Go! tell your people.

So Castro goes back to his people and tells them "I have 2 things to tell you, both of them bad. One, God exists and Two, if we don't clean up the planet we will have to shovel shit from one hole to another for eternity."

Chirac goes back to his people and tells them "I have 2 things to tell you, one good and one bad. One, God exists and Two, if we don't clean up the planet mankind will have to shovel shit from one hole to another for eternity."

Bush goes back to his people and tells them "I have 2 things to tell you, both of them good. One, God exists and Two, There'll soon be enough work for everyone!"

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The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted Disease. This disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim (pronounced "gonna re-elect him.") Many victims contracted it in 2004, after having been screwed for the past 4 years, in spite of having taken measures to protect themselves from this especially troublesome disease.

Cognitive sequelae of individuals infected with Gonorrhea Lectim include, but are not limited to:

Anti-social personality disorder traits;

Delusions of grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor;

Chronic mangling of the English language;

Exceptional cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado;

Uncontrolled facial smirking;

Ignorance of geography and history;

Tendencies toward creating evangelical theocracies;

And a strong propensity for categorical, all-or-nothing behavior.

The disease is sweeping Washington. Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed and baffled that this malignant disease originated only a few years ago from a Texas Bush.

========

LIPSTICK



According to a news report, a certain private school in Markham, Ohio was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back. Several memos were posted about this without effect. Finally the Principal decided that something had to be done.

She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls just how hard it was. The maintenance guy took out a long-handled squeegee, solemnly dipped it in the nearest toilet bowl, and scrubbed at the mirror.

There was complete silence in the room. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are Teachers... and then there are Educators.

This test has only one question, but it's a very important one.
By giving an honest answer, you'll discover where you stand morally.
It's a completely fictitious situation but you'll need to make a decision that's honest yet spontaneous.

You are in New Orleans. There's chaos all around you due to a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are a photojournalist for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster.
The situation is nearly hopeless. You're attempting to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.

Suddenly you see a man floundering in the water. He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer..somehow, he looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is.

It's George W. Bush!

At the same time, you notice that the raging waters are about to take him under.....forever.
You have two options: you can save the life of G.W.Bush ...

or ..

you can shoot a dramatic, Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world's most powerful men.

So, here's the question, and please give an honest answer ...

Would you select high contrast color film, or would
you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?

A young guy out on the town with his mates spies the girl of his dreams across the dance floor. Having admired her from afar he finally gets up the courage to talk to her. Everything goes better than expected and she agrees to accompany him on a date the following Saturday evening. Saturday night the man arrives at her house with flowers and candy.

To his surprise, she answers the door in nothing but a towel. "I'm sorry," she exclaims, "I am running a bit late. Please come in and I'll introduce you to my parents who will entertain you while I finish getting dressed. I should warn you, though, they are both deaf mutes."

With this she ushers him into the living room, introduces him to her parents and promptly disappears. As you can imagine, this is a little uncomfortable as both of the parents are completely silent. Dad is sitting in his arm chair watching golf on TV, and Mom is busy knitting.

After about ten minutes of complete silence, Mom jumps from her chair, pulls up her skirt, pulls down her knickers, and pours a glass of water over her fanny. Just as suddenly, Dad launches himself across the room, bends her over the couch, and takes her from behind. He then sits back down in his chair and balances a match stick in front of his eye. The room is plunged back into eerie silence and the young man is shocked into disbelief.

After a further ten minutes, the daughter returns fully dressed and ready for the evening. The date is a complete disaster with the young man completely distracted by the on goings earlier in the living room.

At the end of the night, the girl asks, "What's the matter? Have I done something wrong?" "No, its not you," he replied, "It's just that the strangest thing happened while I was waiting for you and I am still a bit shocked. Well, first your Mother jumps from her chair, lifts up her skirt, pulls down her panties, and throws a glass of water over her behind. Then, as if that weren't enough, your Father races from his chair, leans her over the couch and does her from behind. He then sits back down and places a match stick by his eye."

"Oh, is that all?" replies the girl.

The man can't believe her casual response.

"That's how they communicate!, Mom was simply saying, "Are you going to get this asshole a drink?" And Dad was replying, "No, fcuk him - I'm watching the match."