Friday, January 06, 2006

Understanding Engineers

Understanding Engineers -Take one:

Two engineering students crossing the campus when one said, "Where
did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I
was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful
woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took
off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first
engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably
wouldn't have fit."

Understanding Engineers - Take Two:

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass
is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers - Take Three:

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor
chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The
pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

"Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather
slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a
group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our
clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free
anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad.
I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Four:

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers - Take Five:

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The
graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The
graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The
graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Six:

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical
engineer. "Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was
an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of
electrical connections." The last one said, "Actually it was a civil
engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a
recreational area?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Seven:

"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it."
Engineers believe that "if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
features yet"

Understanding Engineers - Take Eight:

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He
bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back
into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The
engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned
it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want" Again
the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and do
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

****************************

Q: What's the difference between a cricketer and a condom?
A: The cricketer drops the catch, and the condom catches the drop

Q: What is the difference between riding a bicycle and riding a woman?
A: To ride a bicycle you fix your ass and move your legs. To ride a
woman you fix your legs and move your ass

Q: What three things are common between the sun and a woman's underwear?
A: Both are hot, both look better while going down and both disappear
at Night.

Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
A: Because they are tired of using their own

Q: What's common between men and video?
A: Both go backward... forward...backward...forward... stop and eject..

Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A: Your salary......it comes once a month, lasts about 4 - 5 days,
and if it doesn't come you are in big trouble

7 qualities to be a perfect woman:
Beautiful,
Responsible,
Energetic,
Adorable,
Sweet,
Truthful Self-Organised

In short, she must have good B.R.E.A.S.T.S

Q: Who is a gynecologist?
A: He is the only fool on the earth who looks for problems in a place
where most people find pleasure.

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