New management Policy

Dear All,

Following Rules shall be adhered to With

Immediate Effect.

Pls Co -Operate...

Dress Code

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.

If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better,
so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore do not need a raise.

If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
therefore do not need a raise.

Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturday and Sunday.

Toilet Use

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a
strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of the three
minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the
stall door will open and a picture will be taken ..

After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company
bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught
smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental
health policy !

You are allowed to use the rest room only thrice a day and you have
to swipe in and out from the toilet doors also.

Lunch Break Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to
eat more, so that they can look healthy.

Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
maintain their average figure.

Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
needed to drink a slim fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company.

We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,
all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,
irritations, aggravations,insinuations, allegations, accusations,
contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management.