Newspaper Headlines in the Year 2035

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported
legally but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

Spotted Owl plague threatens Western North America crops & livestock.

Afghanistan still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at
least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Texas executes last remaining citizen.

Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.

Ozone created by electric cars now killing thousands in Los Angeles.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet seven inches.

Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so
it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.