SCIENTISTS DISCOVER NEW ELEMENT: GOVERNMENTIUM

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of
the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been
named "Governmentium".

Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy
neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact; a minute amount of Governmentium can cause one reaction to
take over 4 days to complete which would normally take place withi
less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal 1/2-life of 4 years; it does not decay,
but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the
assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact,
Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time since each
reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to
believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain
quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to
as a Critical Morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium - an
element which radiates just as much energy, since it has 1/2 as many
peons but twice as many morons.

-- Life is 10% of what happens to you, and 90% of how you respond to it